Monday, October 16, 2006

UPDATE

If anyone is still watching this sight I am still here and sheer bliss prevails! This baby is the best baby in the world! She is happy all the time. She loves every food we give her, she sleeps all night and we have to wake her up in the morning....she is way ahead on everything she is supposed to be doing and she can light up a room with her smile. She doesn't meet a stranger and people LOVE her. She has only been sick one time and it was about 4 hours of throwing up and drinking pedialite....What more could I ask for? What more could we want? I love every day....not if we could just win the lottery......

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

BACK TO WORK
I did go back and it's going great - after i cried a few days. The babysitter is a nurse and does so many things with the children (only two right now). Sweetcakes loves her too.....if it can't be me it HAS to be someone great, sweet, patient and kind. I think We found that.

SHE IS A WEED!!!!

My little sweetcakes has been growing so fast I can't keep up. I put away all the 0-3 months and all of a sudden all the 3-6 months clothes don't fit. I spent $70 last month and bought a whole wardrobe for next summer - 12 month size-----i think I'll have to sell them all. She is 17 pounds and 25 inches long and getting longer and heavier by the week.
She sleeps through the night, she doesn't spit up, she poops once a day (adult looking little poops) and she's happy all the time ---i don't think she's a real baby....maybe a robot. She's so wonderful I pinch myself. She DOES cry but only when she's really hungry or very tired. And I know I am bias but I have had others tell me too - she is one of the most beautiful babies. I know I thought that but we feel like celebrities when we take her anywhere because people stop us all the time to comment on her looks.
She is wonderful and we are so happy. I want to keep her a baby forever and I want to see wheat she will be like at 1, 2, 3, 16, 20.....it will happen soon enough but I LOVE her being a baby------so sweet!
We are BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED.

Monday, August 21, 2006

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

I LOVE being a mom. I LOVE our baby....she is a wonderful, wonderful, sweet girl. She is the most friendly happy little baby.....so alert and personable. She wakes up smiling and doesn't stop (except when she is hungry or tired). She started at thebabysitter today and I HATE letting her be somewhere else for 9 houes a day ---I'm missing her life a little and I've cried every day. When she comes home she sleeps....i know that won't last forever but i want to keep her awake so I can be with her. I already took off Friday because I can't stand it...............

All in all I can't help but love our new life............She is incredible and we love her SO MUCH!

Friday, August 04, 2006

SO HAPPY

Can you be so blissfully happy and exhausted and sad (about going back to work) all at the same time??

I cannot imagine life without this baby. She is sunshine and light and sweetness and God's greatest thing ever.....He made her so perfect and then gave her to us....it's more than I can stand really.

She is such a happy girl, she smiles and everyone is enchanted. The sparkle in her eye when she smiles - you know she means it....she is just happy for being. This morning she was awake and lying there. It's 5:30 (yuck) and I looked over at her. She is wide awake and looks at me and grins with the biggest gummy grin and my heart just melted. It takes everything in my not to burst out with pride and joy. She has found her hands and chews on them, found her toes and stares at them (those will be the next in her mouth if she figures out how) and she is talking constantly with the cutest coos....whole conversations mind you. She sings with us and especially like Johnny Cash Ring of Fire----who knew? Maybe her birthmother saw the movie a bunch of times - ????

I could go on and on and usially do but I'm sorry I have not had too much time to write....will try to be better.

GOD IS SO GOOD

Monday, July 17, 2006

COMPLETE

I am exhausted, rushed and haven't really been able to take a shower or shave my legs.....But I feel the best I have felt in ----well, forever! I feel complete and my husband is so sweet and so in love with our sweet baby. Nothing in life has ever been this wonderful. I want to stay home with her forever and be with her all the time.....

Monday, June 19, 2006

I'm A 10 day - Official Mommy

We've had our little girl home for 10 days and it's hard to imagine what our life was without her. I love everything about this little person who has ivaded every thought, every move we make. She so sweet, and incredibly beautiful, I can't imagine loving her any more than I do. T is an awesome daddy and talks so sweet to her. God has looked down on us with favor, He has blessed us so abundantly and I am so icredibly grateful!!!!!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

My Girl

I Love the way that sounds. Daddy calls her "his sweetheart". I call her "sweet pea". She is the most precious little thing and we love her so much. I wonder how I will do anything because I don't want to put her down! She is the perfect child.....she only poops once a day, never spits up and sleeps through the night.....what a baby!! I can't wait for everyone to see her and love her as much as we do. They already love her---so many people wishing us well, offering us furniture and clothes and babysitting....God has blessed us with so many friends. I can't wait to get her at the end of next week. Visiting is so hard because then you have to hand them back.....she felt so right in my arms, right where she should be......

Saturday, May 27, 2006

We are Going to Be a Mommy and Daddy!

I don't believe it, My boss this morning said to me "you have kids you can give these crayons to?". I said, "thanks a lot, are you trying to rub it in?".....I was sort of joking but he got all sad and said he didn't mean it. I said I knew, i was just kidding him. He put his hands on the back of my shoulders and said "good things are going to happen to you". Not one hour later the phone rang and it was THE CALL!! I couldn't have been more stunned, more happy or more petrified all at the same time! I made notes as I was given the information but I was so shaky I couldn't even read them. I remembered though - how could i forget those wonderful words. All about our daughter.....i love the sound of that.....our daughter. God is good......all of the time!

PS-- I told my boss to grab my shoulders again and say "You will win the lottery" so he did it but added " and you will share it with me...." lol

Thursday, May 25, 2006

And Then There Were Two

Well, there were three Profiles to show the last girl looking. She wanted someone Catholic so we were not someone she was interested in. I guess now there are only two profiles left until the ones working on them get finished. This will happen when we least expect it I think....

Monday, May 01, 2006

NO MORE MOTHER'S DAY ADS!!!

I hate mother's day.....well, not really because I love to honor my mother and mother-in-law--but I hate that it's coming and I am still not a mother myself! I have no sweet child to slobber kisses on my face or doodle a sweet little home-made card or try to make me breakfast with daddy. These commercials are killing me....I want it all......

However, I was reminded at church about trials this Sunday....I hate trials.....but who likes them? I sure there are some misguided oddballs out there who enjoys the hardships but not me. I know they come but please don't say i should enjoy them.....
The title of my post was going to be...
JOY IN THE JOURNEY

see how far I moved from that to hating mother's day? Pretty sad.
We all go through difficult things, Christian or not. It's the joy from within that is our saving grace (literally). God promised we would have joy in the journey not happines or wealth or even security in the worldly things - only in Him. Joy is that "thing" that is deep within that assures us there is hope with Jesus-Not the giggles or the feeling of happiness or the rush of adrenaline. It's difficult to imagine that as a Christian we can have worse trials than if we did not follow Jesus. But rest assured - you probably will. That is the nature of satan and ther result of sin. We WILL have trials. okay - enough telling myself that it's normal.
So what does this mean? well, the journey of faith is not easy---it is tested. But God is faithful and full of grace! We are called to do difficult things. but if waiting for a child is one of the worst and hardest things God will put on us then we are blessed!!
For now I am looking up, looking to the sky and not on my life... I am trusting and I am full of hope. I have joy in my journey............it is a journey that I know will come to an end in an AWESOME destination!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Unknown Soldier

I always have heard about the "tomb of the unknown soldier". I guess there are quite a few around the country and maybe even around the world. It's sad to think that these men fell for our happiness and we don't know who they are.

I feel a little the same when I pray for "the girl" (that's how have to refer to her in my prayers) that will give up her child for our family to be happy. We pray for a nameless, faceless girl who either already knows or will know soon that she is going to have a baby. She'll have to go through alot of soul searching and probably a lot of tears and fears before coming to total strangers to help her find other total strangers to take her baby. This is a weird thing to think about and even weirder to pray about.

Of course we pray for a baby of our own to raise and love and cherish. But when I pray for us I can't help pray for everyone involved and that includes the baby and the mother. I think our lives and the life of the baby will be happy but I pray for that girl too and the whole thing is bittersweet.

I know I can live without thinking about her most of the time however I know she will always be in the back of my mind. I don't ever want to forget to pray for her and whatever her life will bring.........God, bless her..........

Thursday, April 20, 2006

While Waiting:

A great qoute from Dr. Dobson:

“My concern is that many believers apparently feel God owes them smooth
sailing or at least a full explanation (and perhaps an apology) for the
hardships they encounter. We must never forget that He, after all, is
God. He is majestic and holy and sovereign. He is accountable to no
one. He is not an errand boy who chases the assignments we dole out.
He is not a genie who pops out of the bottle to satisfy our whims. He is
not our servant - we are His. And our reason or existence is to glorify
and honor Him. Even so, sometimes He performs mighty miracles on our
behalf. Sometimes He chooses to explain His action in our lives.
Sometimes His presence is as real as if we had encountered Him face to
face. But at other times, when nothing makes sense- when what we are going
through is ‘not fair,’ when we feel all alone in God’s waiting room - He simply
says, ‘Trust Me.’” James Dobson

Thursday, April 06, 2006

More Babies

There are alot of ladies checking in with the agency.....I pray that God places the right cildren with the right parents and the mothers are at peace with their decision. The problem is, as far as our situation, most of the girls want a fully open adoption. I understand their point of view--i guess I would too. We are not %100 opposed to it but we also don't want to say yes to that right off the bat.....it would only work if it were the right match.....I can't believe people would agree to a fully open adoption without even knowing how everyone will get along.....
We are leaving it all in God's hands...........

Monday, April 03, 2006

Lots of Babies

I e-mailed the agency to see what was happening over there. They have been very busy with babies being born and placed. I love to hear that they are busy (for selfish reasons) but it's also sad to know there are so many young girls out there unable to parent. Adoption is really a double edged sword.

Once when, I was in my early 20s, i had dinner with a girl that grew up across the street from me. We had been friends because of convienience really but we hadn't seen eachother in a long time and she wanted to show off her rich husband. She had married the guy who was to inherit the family business. The only thing is - his family owned quite a few funeral parlors in our city. I remember her saying at the time that they "loved to hear the scream of the ambulances down the street....it meant more business". It was meant to be a joke but I found it tasteless. How could anyone like that other people were suffering for their benefit? In a way I feel bad praying for someone to want to place their child for the same reason. I know it's a little different but I don't like the fact that one person has to give something precious up for our sake. God our Father, in His infinite wisdom, knows us and knows our hearts. He also knows I would never want to hurt someone so that our lives could be better......

Thursday, March 30, 2006

All Sorts of Situations

We had talked about open adoption and we thought we could not agree right away to a totally open adoption. There's always a possiblity that it would work out if we all met and agreed on something a little more open, but it would have to be right. There is also the situation about drug use. We have sort of taken everything "as it comes". I would rather not think too far in advance and think of all the bad situations that could be presented. I did look up about Meth use and I think that's dangerous for the baby. But what about other drugs.....anyone know? I guess marjuana isn't something too serious if used moderately during pregnancy.....but I don't know. This is what I copied from a website:

Unless you smoke in excess of three grams a day (6-10 joints)
It is very unlikely you will damage your unborn baby.


is that true?? What other drugs and what do they do?? What about mental illness? Are mental illnesses genetic? I guess I shouldn't wait until these things come up but I sure hate looking up all these things....it's very depressing to think of all thie things that could be wrong.....we have put this in God's hands, but i guess it is important to be informed...........

Anyone know about all this or have a good website with all the info??

Sunday, March 26, 2006

A Surreal Life

Life in this phase is weird. Did I dream doing all of the paperwork? It feels like we did the fingerprinting and things so long ago. It's just all so surreal.

The lady that helped us with the loan at the bank is so excited about us adopting - she asks everytime we see her "aren't your excited?" And everytime i say "not yet" --I've been waiting too long and I've learned not to get excited. I think once that baby is on the way and we have been picked I will get excited....I want to be thrilled and expectant and excited but I'm holding myself back. T's the same way....he's got a delayed emotion problem anyway. I kid him about when I called him in 1986 (we had just started dating) and told him his sister was going to have a baby. I was thrilled and barely knew her. He wasn't excited about it until he first held the baby in his arms and realized it was for real. It's the same for this situation. It's not real yet.

We are praying for the girl who is faceless and nameless. Praying for her health and health of the baby. Praying that she comes to know the love of Christ. Praying she makes her decision out of love and that she can be happy. It's a double edged sword. We pray for a baby - but that is a child that a mother must give up....

For now we wait............I hope it's not too long!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Long St. Paddy's Day Weekend!

Friday we went to a party at someone's house that goes to school with T at the seminary. They were all SO young... but fun. They had the best corned beef I've ever had (don't tell my mother) and we played this fun card game called President and Janitor (or something like that) . I would have had more fun If I could Stop coughing and blowing my nose - and BREATH (i forgot how wonderful it is to breath out of my nose).

I felt much better having fun on Friday night after I talked to my mom and Dad got through the surgery really well. The Polyp was the size of a quarter but they think they got it before it spread. He's relieved it's over and the catheter is out - YIKES! Pathology will tell if more has to be done - We are praying for NO cancer to be found!!!

Saturday night we took the Iraqi girls to "Indian Night" at our church. It was fun for them to be with a lot of people but the food was too HOT for them - lol. They loved it and talked with everyone as if they have always known them. I think people are attracted to them - they are so pretty and exotic looking - they had a GREAT time and so did we. It's great that they love our church and the people in it. When they get older, they will remember these people, their kindness that something about them that they are attracted to....and I hope one day will become Christians.

Sunday we went to church and then out to lunch, shopping and then to church again......whew! our lives are so busy!

Every night I lay down I used to pray until i fell asleep---now I can't help but think about having a child in the house and how that will change everything. I am preoccupied during the day - but really start thinking about it at night when my eyes are wide open waiting to fall asleep.....
Sometimes it just seems like something i hope and pray for that will never happen.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

No News Is Not Always Good News

I have not heard anything from the agency for a few weeks. These dry spells will kill me - i wonder how long our wait will be. This is a small agency so there isn't a lot of traffic. For some reason it was the only agency that interested us so we really felt God leading us to use this place. The people there were very nice and personable and knows you when you e-mail or call. They wouldn't have to look up your file to find out who you were before answering back. So we wait.......

Meanwhile, my dad will get operated on. He will go in on Friday to get a Polyp taken off of his bladder. It is most likely cancer but you never know how bad the cancer is. It can be very treatable but we won't know until after Friday so I am praying!!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Top 10 Things I Resolve to do as a Parent
I found this on another blog and adapted it to myself----

Top 10 things I resolve to Do as a Parent
1. I will throw birthday parties after the child is 5 requiring me to play games and purchase gifts for all small children in attendance.

2. I will kick my child outside on nice days. Despite the fact that I watched way more Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street than the average child I did play outside on a regular basis.

3. I will give my child every opportunity to think for himself.

4. Much to my chagrin, if my son/daughter wants to play a sport we don't understand I will let him/her. (don't think we won't try to talk him/her into soccer first)

5. I will make every attempt possible not to give in to whining. Even if this causes stink eye from the old ladies and other mommies in the grocery store.

6. I will expose my child to as many learning possibilities as he can handle.

7. I will be the adult in the house.

8. I will not be super sanitary mom. Kids are kids and meant to get dirty.

9. I will make sure that we are a family first and foremost. I do not want our child to take over the relationship that T and I have worked for nearly 20 years to build.

10. I will strive to be the best mom I know that I can be.

I am very aware that there are resolutions that we make as a parent that fly right out the window as soon as our children come home. Many of these will probably fit into that category

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Decisions, Decisions
There is a boy i know through someone at work who is going to jail. He drove after he had been drinking and he caused an accident that killed someone. He is sweet and young and stupid for doing what he did......now he is doomed in jail. If there were only a jail just for people like him....kids that make really bad decisions - i know he deserves punishment for taking a life but he will surely be tortured by those men in prison. He is 18 and already messed up because of the consequences of his actions. He is in for Goodness knows what....i pray that he will come out alive, and not psychologically damaged.

On top of everything - He made another mistake----his girlfriend is pregnant. I would adopt that baby in a minute if that was the plan..........oh what a few bad decisions can do...........

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I feel small


I write here because there aren't too many people to talk to about all this. We have decided not to tell too many people until there is a match. Just like with IF, i don't want a lot of people asking a lot of questions to which there are no answers. I thought this blog was anonymous enough that i could say just about anything.....i was wrong. I guess there are one or two too many people reading this blog. So, i can't say what i'd like - all of it still must remain private, hidden, secret. Too much of my life if a secret but i guess for some that does not matter.....
For now we wait.....now in more silence. Praying for a nameless, faceless, hidden girl who will want to place her child with us. It's a deadly calm, a stillness that breaks my heart. A feeling like being in a boat with no land to see, no movement on the water and just the buzzing in my ears to occupy me.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Google Earth

I have discovered Google earth and LOVE IT! It's pretty clear for being free----I went to London and followed our path all over. Where we got off the train, walking to the London EYE and around and past Big Ben, Parliment, Westmister Abby - SO COOL! I showed T St. Paul's Cathedral and where he stood while M and I walked over to a quickymart and got some yummy almond cakes and juice. I think we got some salt and vinegar chips too - i really wish they had more of those here! The freaky thing is to type in your address when you are somewhere like London -- you are wisked up in the air and the world turns and focuses you back on a spot and zooms in on your house - wild! For $20 a year you can get more clear.

The way i found out about this is through my friend from Iraq. He pulled up Google earth, typed in a city in Iraq and - BAM--I was there, looking at all the buildings etc. He pointed out where he was almost killed in the Civil war when a group of Bath party thugs started throwing hand grenades and spraying them with a machine gun---he "almost bit that Iraqi dust" He said (in such an American way). He is flying to Iraq on Friday to be an interpreter........we are praying for his safe return in six months!!!!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Life is a Mexican Restaurant

The pastor talked about it on Sunday morning and i can't get it out of my head. Life is a Mexican Restaurant.....

You go in thinking of the burrito you really love, it looks so good on the plate when they bring it and it tastes so wonderful, you'r mouth is watering. But, you have to wait for it - and in the meantime there are lots of chips and salsa and even though it's not the best thing for you and they are not the best chips and salsa you've ever had, you eat them and talk and eat some more. You eat them until the chips are gone and you are picking at the crums. You ask the waiter to bring even more chips and not to forget to fill up the salsa as well.....it's like eating one potato chip. Twenty minutes later your beautiful burrito is brought out to you, it's freshly made, hot and delicious----except you are stuffed with chips and salsa and there is no room for what you were waiting for.

We are waiting for an answer from God, we are waiting for God to show us what He wants from us - but we have to wait. We fill our lives with so many distractions and for so long that by the time God is showing us what we should do or what He wants from us we are to full of the small nonsensical stuff to really want it.....

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Hurry Up and Wait!

I resisted this long in e-mailing the agency to ask what, if anything, was happening there. The mothers all picked someone else this time......we already knew that really. There are a "couple of mothers" in the process but not ready to look at profiles. I am still wondering of i should change anything in ours. Does it really matter that it is not perfect? Does it matter that i didn't mention we both sing? Sing together? Sing all the time, all over the house? Why didn't i mention that? Okay - if this is meant to be - they are not going to care about all that right???? right????

Oh, and we didn't win the lottery.....i guess you know that by now. Lincoln, Nebraska?? Why never here?? Why never me???

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I WIN, I WIN!! (I WISH)

I used to say "if i ever won the lottery i wouldn't tell anyone but i would drive into the middle of Iowa somewhere and call everyone i know to tell them i had broken down and need their help--please come get me" Anyone that showed up would get $20,000." But you know, i've told that to so many people - i'm afraid they would all come - but not for the right reasons. I'm going to have to revise my strategy........

What would you do if you won? Would you scream? faint? be in shocked silence? cry? jump up and down?---I would probably do a combination of them all..... oh................ wouldn't it be loverly??????????

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Words of Wisdom

"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preperation that only He can see" Corrie Ten Boom
I love that the people adopting from China has the red thread and the lady bug as a sort of symbol. It unites then somehow and they have a visable image of their journey.

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regarless of time, place or circumbstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but never breaks" A Chinese proverb
The lady bug has no background in Chinese culture or history. A few years ago when many people were adopting from China there was a fall when the ladybug population grew unsually large. This was thought ot be a luck charm to those who were adopting,so now when lady bugs are seen, it is said that more beautiful chinese babies are being adopted. Is it like "whenever a bell rings an agel gets it's wings"?

Still, all the adopted parents need some sort of symbol, button, ribbon or something.......I'll think about that one......

Zero to Newborn in Sixty Seconds

We want to be picked!!! I want everyone to love us, think we would be awesome parents, look at our profile and refuse to see any more.....

I e-mailed the social worker to ask about how long we would have to wait - what the adverage was....she wrote:

"The wait in the caucasion program varies widely from folks getting selected the first time or two their profile are shown (rare) to a couple of years."

The agency's "longest wait" couple just got picked after almost two years. TWO YEARS!!!!?????
After waiting twelve ----two more shouldn't seem that long------ but it's an eternity..................

Face Your Fear
Someone reminded me today that we are all afraid. Everyone is afraid of something. To quote my friend, she said:
Everyone should skydive naked into the pulpit
It's funny but The point was well taken. On the list ofthe top 10 things people fear are skydiving, being naked in public and public speaking. Now I am NOT telling people to do any of these things, especially the three that were spoken, but I do think we need to sometimes take a step of faith and do things that we are afraid of......think about a few things that make you afraid, nerveous, uncomfortable. Things that you should be able to do but can't make yourself.

DO THEM!!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Adoption is Biblical

We already have heard the story of Moses - I think that was the first open adoption. His mother lived with the family and nursed him, took care of him etc. for the adopted mother.....

but a fellow blogger reminded me today of Psalm 113:
Halleluia
You who serve God, praise God.
Just to speak His name is praise.
Just to remember God is a blessing, now and tommorro and always.
From East to west, from dawn to dusk, keep lifting all your praise to God.
God is higher than anything and anyone, outshining everything you can see in the skies.
Who can compair with God, our God, who is so majestically enthroned,
surverying His most magnificent heavens and earth?
He picks up the poor from out of the dirt,
rescues the wretched who has been thrown out with the trash,
seats them among the honored guests, a place of honor among the brightest and best,
He Gives Childless couples a family,
gives them joy as the parents of children.
Halleluia

Amen I say, and again i say Amen!!!

Adopted Mothers are Like Turtles

NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa , officials said.

The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean , then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.

"It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park , told AFP. "After it was swept away and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately , it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added. "The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.

This is a real story that shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another . We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God - Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I'm NOT a Writer!
Heard from our adoption social worker. We have NOT been picked as far as she knows. Because we want only semi-open and i'm going to be working It may take longer. Only one potential mother made comments about our profile---she felt that there were many typos but when the other councilor questioned it she only came up with a few monor things like spaces where she didn't think there should be a space. I'm not a writer, and I definetly don't claim to be......yikes - another thing in which I'm not good enough!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Like Not Getting Picked For American Idol

First of all, I don't mean to diminish the importance of being picked by a biomom--let me say that first.

You know how all the people on American Idol REALLY think they can sing? And then it hurts them so much when they are not picked? Someone who really sees them for what they really are turns them down - telling them they are NOT the best! That's how I am feeling. I guess I thought the two biomoms, looking at our profile, would both want us and the agency would have to decide who wanted us first--that would be the only fair way. But we haven't heard anything....how could they not think we would be the best parents for their baby?----what's wrong with us? What haven't we put into our profile that would convince them and show them how loving, honest, caring and bubbly we are??? I grin but tear up as i type this - I'm sort of totally serious!!?? What have they got that we haven't?----more money? A bigger house? other kids? ..........It's the stay at home thing isn't it??? Well???? What is it??????

Monday, February 06, 2006

Confusious say.....


I don't go much in for fortune cookies but they are fun - once T got a fortune that read

"You are the best person in the world"

he waved that thing around and showed it to everyone we saw for the next week. Then, strangely enough, he got the same one again a few months later. No one we know has ever gotten that at the restaurant we have eatedn at for 15 years! He is now a firm believer in forune cookies!! LOL

Okay, so were having lunch on T's birthday last week and we both got a cookie. His read

"Prosperity will knock on your door soon"

and mine read:

"Your dearest desire will come true"

The two things that we are desperately hoping for - more money and a little baby!!! I believe, i believe... lol

Saturday, February 04, 2006

What's the Deal??
This blogging thing is intersting. I post for myself and really only for one person I know (hi K!)
Other people that i don't know read also - following along. I have a number of blogs I look at almost daily. But what gets me is the comment thing. I have made comments - honestly, like the bloggers try to be in their posts. But my "honest" opinion, not disrespectful or foul, will not get put onto the post because I guess it is in disagreement with the blogger. Strange, I will almost let anything be said except foul language or advertisement on my blog. Not as much for me but for other people reading. I want people that read my blog to see all the comments made - not just the ones that make me look right. Everyone has their opinions about this process.....so be it. Honesty?? ha

Thursday, February 02, 2006

No More Christmas
I am taking down our Christmas tree tonight. The ornaments have been off for weeks but T likes to turn on the lights and look at it at night... I told him the neighbors are going to see it in the window and think we are either crazy or lazy......It's sad to take it down though. It's so dark in our house and it provides such a nice light. We contimplated leaving it up and decorating for each holiday....that was short lived (remember what i said about the neighbors).

I thought by now we would have at least a lead on a mother and have a child on it's way. This process is long and tedious. The wait could drive people crazy. At least before it was a 2 week wait then a let down for the next two - like a roller coaster----this is just waiting.................

Just Me Ranting and Raving

I don't know why I thought we would have already been called and told that one of the two girls would want us to be the parents for their child. I just imagined it to be too difficult to pass us up. Boy I'm concieted! Yesterday I took out the copy of our profile and looked at it as thought I didn't know us - like I was a mother ready to have their child in March. .....We looked ridiculous. I left things out!!!! It doesn't say we like to sing or sing together.....It does say T likes to write music - big deal - the idiots on American Idol who cannot sing on key all write music too.....ARG. It doesn't show our love, our compasion, our sense of humor.....that people like us, especially children. How do you show that in 9 pages? We are not writers, we are not adcertising agents (although i did go to school for that for a while). We needed to hire someone to put together our profile!!!

Why not us? What's wrong with us? How could you look at our profile and not think we are the best? Those other profiles were boring, the people not attractive (here I go being concieted again).....why not us???? We are unique, we are happy together, we like different things. Is it because we don't hunt? Don't like to camp or swim in lakes? Did we mention that even??? Do you not like taht I won't be at home?? How many women can do that? We are poor if i don't work - you want that???? ARGGGGGGGGGG.......why hasn't anyone called and told us they want us???????

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I am hurt, sad, upset and angry

A boy that works where I do is 18, in Pharmacy school and going to have a baby with his girlfried - URG! Another boy who is 18 was just best man at his friend's wedding. He is also 18 and getting married because she is pregnant. The university in which they attend is making them marry so they can live together (something they would not allow without a certificate).

Okay, what are these kids doing? Could they not consider adoption?? Why are they doing this to themselves? It all just makes me mad!


?????????????????

I got an e-mail from the agency - all the waiting parents got one but i felt it may be directed towards me. I should not have listed the information below maybe. I didn't list names - just first initial. I want to keep a log of what happens - what i know - what i hear about it all. Why can't i list this information? I am careful not to put all info in. I hope this e-mail was directed to someone else.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Holy Poop Batman!

I bought my first package of diapers last night. I was at the grocery store and thought "what if they call us and tell us there is a baby to go get at the hospital" (don't laugh it could happen). I thought we could get by without a lot of things but that isn't one of them. I was SHOCKED! 10.99 for 40 diapers. I think i'll make my own wipes - there's a recipe where you cut a roll of papertowels in half and put it in a liquid that you make up and put into a tupperware container. My word - what you pay for convienience!

Monday, January 23, 2006

OH MY!!!!

I am so nerveous in my stomach now.......a good nerveous but butterflies galore!
We sent off the profiles on Friday and today, Monday, I was running a "fix" on my computer when i saw an Email come in entitled "the profiles are in"..... I had to wait 45 minutes to open it but this is what it said......

P,
Just wanted to let you know that we received your profiles and I distributed them to the various birthparent counselors today. Just in time, too. We have three birthmoms due in March who will be selecting families soon. Now all you have to do is hurry up and wait! God bless, S

YIKES!!!!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Mailed it all off today................yikes!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

DONE....but not finished

3 1/2 hours and $300 later, I am done with the copies of the profile. I went into Kinkos and the girl said nicely that she could not copy them because there were a few professional pictures. I was going to be very upset but she did say i could color-copy them myself so i did---79 double sided sheets (so i actually was dealing with 158 copies). Then she said i could laminate them all myself ---that was cool because i could do it all myself and make sure it was exactly how i wanted it. The laminating makes it look SO good ---then they used a spiral....so professional! The girl was SO nice and said a lot of people do their profiles at Kinkos....but ours looked the best she has seen. She said they usually have a great cover and back page but the middle is boring. Ours, she said, was great on the inside and made us look "fun". I hope thats a good thing....lol. ("i don't want them to have my baby, they look like they have too much fun and would let the baby wander away.....")

This morning we went in to sign the papers for the loan and the woman found a mistake in the percentage of the interest so she must do them all over. Now we can't sign the papers until Tuesday and not get the money until the end of next week - delays delays! ARG
as soon as the money is in the back we will write the big check for all the porfiles to be sent in and then we will be shown!!!!! woooopie

We opened up a checking account for the baby----all the loan money will go in there and money we will start to put into it every month once the loan is paid off----watch out,k it's a college fund!!!!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

READY......SET........

Okay - all i have to do now is get 6 copies of the profile done and we'll close on our loan on Saturday January 14th ---it all gets shipped off with $4500.00 and the waiting begins. The agency said the corrections were okay and we're ready to go.........
YIKES!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

FAMOUS

  • Adopted Persons

Andy Berlin - entrepreneur: chairman of Berlin Cameron & PartnersAnthony Williams - politicianAristotle - philosopherArt Linkletter - comedianBo Diddley - musician, performerBuffy Sainte-Marie - musician, actressCarl-Theodor Dreyer - Danish film directorCharlotte Anne Lopez - Miss Teen USAChristina Crawford - authorClarissa Pinkola Estes - authorCrazy Horse - Lakota war chiefDan O'Brien - decathleteDaunte Culpepper - football playerDave Thomas - entrepreneur: founder of Wendy'sDebbie Harry - singerEdgar Allan Poe - poet, writerEdward Albee - playwrightEleanor Roosevelt - First LadyEric Dickerson - athleteFaith Daniels - news anchorFaith Hill - country singerFreddie Bartholomew - actorGeorge Washington Carver - inventorGreg Louganis - athleteJames MacArthur - actorJames Michener - authorJean Jacques Rousseau - philosopherJesse Jackson - ministerJesus - adopted by Joseph the carpenter (Bible)Jett Williams - country singer and authorJim Palmer - athleteJohn J. Audubon - naturalistJohn Hancock - politicianJohn Lennon - musicianLangston Hughes - poet and writerLarry Ellison - entrepreneur: chief executive of OracleLee Majors - actorLeo Tolstoy - writerLes Brown - motivational speakerLynnette Cole - Miss USA 2000Malcolm X - civil rights leaderMark Acre - athleteMatthew Laborteaux - actorMelissa Gilbert - actressMichael Reagan - author, talk show hostMoses - Biblical leaderNancy Reagan - First LadyNat King Cole - singerNelson Mandela - politicianPatrick Labyorteaux - actorPeter and Kitty Carruthers - figure skatersPresident Gerald Ford - politicianPresident William Clinton - politicianPriscilla Presley - actressRay Liotta - actorReno - performance artist, comedianSarah McLachlan - singerScott Hamilton - figure skaterSen. Paull H. Shin - politicianSen. Robert Byrd - politicianSteve Jobs - entrepreneur: co-founder of Apple computerSurya Bonaly - figure skaterTim Green - football player/commentatorTim McGraw - country singerTom Monaghan - entrepreneurTommy Davidson - comedianVictoria Rowell - actressWilson Riles - educator

Andy Kaufman - actorClark Gable - actorDavid Crosby - singerFaith Ireland - judgeHank Williams, Sr. - country music legendKate Mulgrew - actressJoni Mitchell - singerRoseanne Barr - actressMercedes Ruehl - actressStrom Thurmond - politician

Al Roker - news anchorAlfre Woodard - actressAlexander the Great - King of Macedonia, 356-323 B.C.Angelina Jolie - actressArt Buchwald - comedianBarbara Walters - journalistBen Stein - actor and game show hostBette Davis - actress
Billy Bob Thornton - actor, writer, singerBob (and Delores) Hope - entertainerBrooke Adams - actressBurt Reynolds - actorCalista Flockhart - actressCecil B. De Mille - film directorCharles Bronson - actorChelsea Noble - actressConnie Chung - news anchorDale Evans - singerDan Marino - athleteDan Wilson - athleteDavid E. Kelley - television producerDiane Keaton - actressDianne Wiest - actressDonna Mills - actressEd McMahon - entertainerErma Bombeck - authorEstelle Parsons - actressEve Arden - actressFather George Clements - ministerGail Sheehy - writerGary Merrill - actorGeorge Burns - comedianGeorge Lucas - film directorGloria Swanson - actressGracie Allen - comedianHarpo Marx - actorHarry Belafonte - singerHedy Lamarr - actressHelen Hayes - actressHenry Fonda - actorIsabella Rossellini - -actressJamie Lee Curtis - actressJane Fonda - actressJane Wyman - actressJann Wenner - publisherJill Ireland - actressJill Krementz - authorJoBeth Williams - actressJoan Didion - authorJoan Fontaine - actressJohn DeLorean - entrepreneurJohn Denver - singerJohn Gregory Dunne - authorJosephine Baker - singer and dancerJudy Woodruff - news anchorJulie Andrews - actressKaren Grassle - actress
Karl Wallenda - acrobatKate Capshaw - actressKate Jackson - actressKirby Puckett - athleteKirk Cameron - actorKirstie Alley - actressKris Kristofferson - singerKurt Vonnegut - authorLinda Ronstadt - singerLoni Anderson - actressLouis Gossett, Jr - actor.Magic Johnson - athleteMarcia Wallace - actressMarie Osmond - singerMaury Povich - news anchor
Mercedes Ruehl - actressMia Farrow - actressMichelle Pfeiffer - actressNatalie Williams - athleteNell Carter - entertainerNicole Kidman - actressOscar de la Renta - designerOzzy (and Sharon) Osbourne - musicianParker Stevenson - actorPatti LaBelle - singerPaul Newman - actorPaula Poundstone - comedianPearl Bailey - singerPeter Falk - actorPresident Ronald Reagan - politicianRegina Belle - singerRichard King Mellon - financierRobert Fulghum - writerRosie O'Donnell - actressRoy Rogers - entertainerSally Jessy Raphaël - talk show hostSammy Davis, Jr. - entertainerSen. Jesse Helms - politicianSen. John McCain - politicianSen. Lloyd Bentsen - politicianSen. Paul Simon - politicianSen. Paull H. Shin - politicianSen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson - TexasSharon Stone - actressSir Christopher Guest - actorStephen Spielberg - film directorSteven Curtis Chapman - Christian musicianSusan Ruttan - actressTaurean Blacque - actorTed Danson - actorTeri Garr - actressTom Cruise - actorValerie Harper - actressWalt (and Lily) Disney - founder of DisneylandWilliam Delahunt - politicianWillie Mays - athlete

Sunday, January 01, 2006

I started thinking again about how you really fall in love with your children and i found this on another site - it was so touching:

I don't care if they are biological or adopted, I think it really is a process and it really does not happen overnight. I have heard all kinds of things on boards....from worries that they won't bond to an adopted child like a biological child to no worries that they will bond to a child and that it will happen instantaneously. I think what bonds you to a child is experience. It is not the biological tie. I also think you need to be somewhat prepared to not instantly bond with your child as it is a process.We fall in love with our children through shared experiences. We fall in love with them through caring for them through all their sleepless nights and sick days and the times that they fell down and got "owies". We fall in love with them for teaching us about ourselves and selflessness. We fall in love with them for their goofy laughter and spontaneousness and their ability to bring our young selves out. We fall in love with them for their compassion and innocence. We fall in love with them for their openness...for their chance to be little, to be young, to love life to the fullest.

Another step.....
We signed the papers for the loan today. $25,000 to make sure, but it won't be that much. It seems a little more real every step.

Friday, December 30, 2005

I finished the last page with a picture of us and a lot of quotes alkl around the picture and the outsede of the page - it's cute - they are all in different fonts.These are the quotes:


God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. ~St. Augustine

God is the perfect poet. ~Robert Browning

Life is God's novel. Let him write it. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. ~Walt Streightiff

Try to learn something about everything and everything about something. ~T.H.Huxley

Happiness is a direction, not a place. ~Sydney J. Harris

Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each. ~Plato

We cannot fashion our children after our desires, we must have them and love them as God has given them to us. ~Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Wednesday, December 28, 2005



This will be the Baby's room....

If it's a girl we will keep all the flowers and frills. If it's a boy we will do something with sports....

basketballs are orange aren't they?

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

MOTHER'S Touch

My mother is going to start an afgan for the baby...she's so excited. She asked my for the colors for the baby's room and showed me the pattern. It's really weird.....she's been waiting a long time to do this....can't wait to see it!