I am so sick to my stomach, i think I'm nerveous to send in application II.....i guess i'm just not good with change. Can't wait for my neices to spend some time with me at my house. Maybe that's a sign we should get an older one or two also??? One step at a time right?

Met My nieces boyfriend last night and i really like him. She was so quiet and it was her birthday....i wonder if she was nerveous to see if we would like him. We definetly did. He seems like part of the family and a gentleman to boot. It's funny, i want so much for her....is this what parenthood feels like?

In the mail yesterday i recieved the last form i need to turn in the second application.....why am i hesitating? As i brushed my teeth this morning i was thinking about having a baby in the background, i guess i'm starting to let myself think about it.

At my senior meeting yesterday Jim kept asking me if i needed money....for the 10th time....pushing me....$100, $1000, $10,000? "Come on, i have so much money and i don't have anything to do with it?" ----how hard it was to bite my tongue! i just say "everyone needs money Jim, i would never ask you for it though"....i hope it's not God that keeps trying to give me money and i keep refusing!

Spent all morning in the carnival helping kids play put-put. I love kids! Some of these kids have never played put-put and didn't even know how to stand with a club or hit the ball - BAD PARENTS!!! Made me SAD.

Met with the financial planner last night - we love him....he's so nice and not pushy at all. He really complimented us for being organized and disciplined - (ha ha - made me laugh) But he said having a 15 year loan was awesome and most people can't do that. We looked over every angle of getting the loan...HOme equity seems to be the best bet. So, the second application goes in next week.

The weather continues to be blistering - 102 yesterday. The weatherman thinks it will cool off starting tomorrow and that would be okay with everyone! Spent all weekend at our friend's house - we have so much fun with all of them. Our Indian friend made us another authentic meal on Saturday night and it was EXCELLENT!
I talked to Cindy, who hasn't had a chance to talk to her friend yet but she told me she has to be operated on next week (big bummer) and told me to write a letter to our docter (we have the same) and she would give it to her the day she's to be operated on....this way, i'll know she has the information about the lawyer and the E-mail. After i found the adoption lawyer and called the secretary i felt she didn't write it down......thank you Cindy!

I was writing this as i called the OB for results.....the secratery DID write it down but no explination - the person that was there while the sec. is on vacation thought i needed the name of the laywer! ARG. I'm glad i'll have Cindy give her the letter.

It's HOT.....100 degrees and not that much better in the shade. People are dropping like flys.
The stuff going on in London is freaking me out....what are these people thinking? Do i want to have a child in this world with all this going on?? yikes...

Not much happening. I'm waiting for either someone to call about the young girl or on my results from my OB appointment to be faxed to finish off our second packet. I guess we should proceed - hate spending all that money if we get a call from that family but....i'm done with all this waiting and putting off. Tony went to the ballgame today and it is SO hot - also more London bombings today - two weeks to the day after the other ones. Same tubes that we were on just in March/April too---scary!

Last night i called the lawyer who does adoptions. Most of his adoptions are step-children and such but he can do a straight adoption, he knows the ropes and all the legal stuff about it. I called the OB and gave the secretary the information - i'm not even sure she wrote it down. What if she's not even telling the Doctor that i called? Maybe she's against it. I wonder if i should talk to the doctor again myself.? I told her to have the family call the lawyer and that would keep the doctor out of it completely - that what she wants - as little to do with it as possible. I'm putting it in God's hands....if it's meant to be......

CRAZY weekend! Had lunch with my parents on Saturday and they get really quiet and cute when they start talking about the adoption. My dad says "we'll help you all we can" and my mother talkes about the stuff from my old room - my lap and some other things. Of course my brother has a brand new crib - yea! Mom said "the first thing you need to get is a car seat" and they want to know a time frame - i wish i knew.

Sunday we went to Crossroads and everyone has a baby. I held one twin boy for a while during Sunday school - he was so sweet but i panacked a little when he got fussy....can't give them back when they fuss when they are yours - YIKES!

Then we took the Iraqi girls to the movies to see Herbie - their first movie and they loved it!
We spent the next few hours at their house (like being in Iraq) and my freind asked the father all sorts of questions....the kinds of questions you ask when you just know a person. I was so glad because they were questions that i never asked and now would like to know but i'm too comfortable with them to ask....mostly about how they arrange marriages and such----kind of different....I'm glad I'm an American.

The only thing we are waiting on now is the OB test results. Then we send in the second packet. I guess they will start with the home study after that....i don't know what to expect there.
Last night i checked the web site and there was 1 new e-mail listed - my heart raced a little as i opened it - it was from Yahoo.....:(

Yesterday i created an e-mail and called the OBs secretary to tell her what it was - just in case the Dr. got to tell the girl and her family about us looking to adopt. I hope i didn't get the Dr. in trouble - is it legal to talk about such things??
I called my mom (who we hadn't really talked to since Father's day when we told them about adopting) and wanted to know about eating lunch on Saturday - she was acting so funny, i think she can't wait to have a baby in the family again. I love that it makes them happy. Dad told her to ask me how the adoption was going - i wish it was faster - i don't have answers for anybody. My mom said my old lamp from when i was a baby is downstairs at their house and some other things she's kept.
Then last night we went to someone's house, a friend of Kim and Rick's from church, and i held her baby - oh how sweet....can't wait to kiss those cheeks and not have to give the baby back.

Today the social worker from the agency e-mailed and pointed out we have to write an auto-biography. I didn't think i would write my memoirs until after my acting career had really taken off but....

Today i saw my OBGYN - she is so nice and caring. She said she has a young patient who is only in JR High and the mother is looking for a lawyer (possibly in New York) put the child up for adoption....i didn't want to jump off the table and run around in my little paper top and lap robe so i maintained some composure and told her i would REALLY be interested if they are. She was hesitant and said they don't like to get into the middle of these things but i assured her i understood and an adoption Laywer would be the one that would have to take care of all of that. I just wanted her to contact them and tell them we would be interested - Very interested. I am rather upset we haven't talked about this sooner - seems like everyone says "i may know someone" - OBs are the best to talk to - at least they know realtively soon and are confided in. OH WOULDN"T IT BE AWESOME!!!!

Well, the second application is almost through and we just need to get everything notorized and dated. I guess now we start working on our profile, have the home study and take out the big loan......yikes!

Can't wait to fill our house with love!!