All Sorts of Situations

We had talked about open adoption and we thought we could not agree right away to a totally open adoption. There's always a possiblity that it would work out if we all met and agreed on something a little more open, but it would have to be right. There is also the situation about drug use. We have sort of taken everything "as it comes". I would rather not think too far in advance and think of all the bad situations that could be presented. I did look up about Meth use and I think that's dangerous for the baby. But what about other drugs.....anyone know? I guess marjuana isn't something too serious if used moderately during pregnancy.....but I don't know. This is what I copied from a website:

Unless you smoke in excess of three grams a day (6-10 joints)
It is very unlikely you will damage your unborn baby.

is that true?? What other drugs and what do they do?? What about mental illness? Are mental illnesses genetic? I guess I shouldn't wait until these things come up but I sure hate looking up all these things....it's very depressing to think of all thie things that could be wrong.....we have put this in God's hands, but i guess it is important to be informed...........

Anyone know about all this or have a good website with all the info??

A Surreal Life

Life in this phase is weird. Did I dream doing all of the paperwork? It feels like we did the fingerprinting and things so long ago. It's just all so surreal.

The lady that helped us with the loan at the bank is so excited about us adopting - she asks everytime we see her "aren't your excited?" And everytime i say "not yet" --I've been waiting too long and I've learned not to get excited. I think once that baby is on the way and we have been picked I will get excited....I want to be thrilled and expectant and excited but I'm holding myself back. T's the same way....he's got a delayed emotion problem anyway. I kid him about when I called him in 1986 (we had just started dating) and told him his sister was going to have a baby. I was thrilled and barely knew her. He wasn't excited about it until he first held the baby in his arms and realized it was for real. It's the same for this situation. It's not real yet.

We are praying for the girl who is faceless and nameless. Praying for her health and health of the baby. Praying that she comes to know the love of Christ. Praying she makes her decision out of love and that she can be happy. It's a double edged sword. We pray for a baby - but that is a child that a mother must give up....

For now we wait............I hope it's not too long!

Long St. Paddy's Day Weekend!

Friday we went to a party at someone's house that goes to school with T at the seminary. They were all SO young... but fun. They had the best corned beef I've ever had (don't tell my mother) and we played this fun card game called President and Janitor (or something like that) . I would have had more fun If I could Stop coughing and blowing my nose - and BREATH (i forgot how wonderful it is to breath out of my nose).

I felt much better having fun on Friday night after I talked to my mom and Dad got through the surgery really well. The Polyp was the size of a quarter but they think they got it before it spread. He's relieved it's over and the catheter is out - YIKES! Pathology will tell if more has to be done - We are praying for NO cancer to be found!!!

Saturday night we took the Iraqi girls to "Indian Night" at our church. It was fun for them to be with a lot of people but the food was too HOT for them - lol. They loved it and talked with everyone as if they have always known them. I think people are attracted to them - they are so pretty and exotic looking - they had a GREAT time and so did we. It's great that they love our church and the people in it. When they get older, they will remember these people, their kindness that something about them that they are attracted to....and I hope one day will become Christians.

Sunday we went to church and then out to lunch, shopping and then to church again......whew! our lives are so busy!

Every night I lay down I used to pray until i fell asleep---now I can't help but think about having a child in the house and how that will change everything. I am preoccupied during the day - but really start thinking about it at night when my eyes are wide open waiting to fall asleep.....
Sometimes it just seems like something i hope and pray for that will never happen.

No News Is Not Always Good News

I have not heard anything from the agency for a few weeks. These dry spells will kill me - i wonder how long our wait will be. This is a small agency so there isn't a lot of traffic. For some reason it was the only agency that interested us so we really felt God leading us to use this place. The people there were very nice and personable and knows you when you e-mail or call. They wouldn't have to look up your file to find out who you were before answering back. So we wait.......

Meanwhile, my dad will get operated on. He will go in on Friday to get a Polyp taken off of his bladder. It is most likely cancer but you never know how bad the cancer is. It can be very treatable but we won't know until after Friday so I am praying!!

Top 10 Things I Resolve to do as a Parent

I found this on another blog and adapted it to myself----

Top 10 things I resolve to Do as a Parent

1. I will throw birthday parties after the child is 5 requiring me to play games and purchase gifts for all small children in attendance.

2. I will kick my child outside on nice days. Despite the fact that I watched way more Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street than the average child I did play outside on a regular basis.

3. I will give my child every opportunity to think for himself.

4. Much to my chagrin, if my son/daughter wants to play a sport we don't understand I will let him/her. (don't think we won't try to talk him/her into soccer first)

5. I will make every attempt possible not to give in to whining. Even if this causes stink eye from the old ladies and other mommies in the grocery store.

6. I will expose my child to as many learning possibilities as he can handle.

7. I will be the adult in the house.

8. I will not be super sanitary mom. Kids are kids and meant to get dirty.

9. I will make sure that we are a family first and foremost. I do not want our child to take over the relationship that T and I have worked for nearly 20 years to build.

10. I will strive to be the best mom I know that I can be.

I am very aware that there are resolutions that we make as a parent that fly right out the window as soon as our children come home. Many of these will probably fit into that category

Decisions, Decisions

There is a boy i know through someone at work who is going to jail. He drove after he had been drinking and he caused an accident that killed someone. He is sweet and young and stupid for doing what he did......now he is doomed in jail. If there were only a jail just for people like him....kids that make really bad decisions - i know he deserves punishment for taking a life but he will surely be tortured by those men in prison. He is 18 and already messed up because of the consequences of his actions. He is in for Goodness knows what....i pray that he will come out alive, and not psychologically damaged.

On top of everything - He made another mistake----his girlfriend is pregnant. I would adopt that baby in a minute if that was the plan..........oh what a few bad decisions can do...........

I feel small

I write here because there aren't too many people to talk to about all this. We have decided not to tell too many people until there is a match. Just like with IF, i don't want a lot of people asking a lot of questions to which there are no answers. I thought this blog was anonymous enough that i could say just about anything.....i was wrong. I guess there are one or two too many people reading this blog. So, i can't say what i'd like - all of it still must remain private, hidden, secret. Too much of my life if a secret but i guess for some that does not matter.....
For now we wait.....now in more silence. Praying for a nameless, faceless, hidden girl who will want to place her child with us. It's a deadly calm, a stillness that breaks my heart. A feeling like being in a boat with no land to see, no movement on the water and just the buzzing in my ears to occupy me.

Google Earth

I have discovered Google earth and LOVE IT! It's pretty clear for being free----I went to London and followed our path all over. Where we got off the train, walking to the London EYE and around and past Big Ben, Parliment, Westmister Abby - SO COOL! I showed T St. Paul's Cathedral and where he stood while M and I walked over to a quickymart and got some yummy almond cakes and juice. I think we got some salt and vinegar chips too - i really wish they had more of those here! The freaky thing is to type in your address when you are somewhere like London -- you are wisked up in the air and the world turns and focuses you back on a spot and zooms in on your house - wild! For $20 a year you can get more clear.

The way i found out about this is through my friend from Iraq. He pulled up Google earth, typed in a city in Iraq and - BAM--I was there, looking at all the buildings etc. He pointed out where he was almost killed in the Civil war when a group of Bath party thugs started throwing hand grenades and spraying them with a machine gun---he "almost bit that Iraqi dust" He said (in such an American way). He is flying to Iraq on Friday to be an interpreter........we are praying for his safe return in six months!!!!